Are you a caregiver who has just lost it and feel lower than a slug’s belly? I’m here with a very important message for you.
Caregivers losing it is a lot more common than most people would think. There is NOTHING wrong with you or your emotional reaction to the situation, okay? This is normal.
Nobody on this planet who does this job for more than 10 minutes does not occasionally lose it and get frustrated. NOBODY. Caregivers are human. They are often also exhausted, chronically sleep-deprived, scared, sad, isolated, worried, angry at the unfairness of it all and just tapped-out-in-every-way imaginable humans.
When it’s a spouse especially, caregivers are also deprived of the one person they would lean on and look to for support during difficult times. You can know “it’s the disease” all day and night but that doesn’t mean you don’t get upset with the unfairness of it all or just feel plain angry that the person sitting next to you is: 1. driving you absolutely NUTS right now and worse, 2. no longer able to be the person you WANT more than anything.
You are grieving and there is not a wrong way to grieve.
I’ve come to recognize episodes of losing your cool as indication of being overwhelmed and in need of support.
You need respite; breaks from being responsible for their well-being where you can relax a little and think about something else: this disease consumes your life at times. You need people to talk to, to help process the intense and difficult emotions. You need practical help whenever you can get it, to help lighten the workload and stress of everything you’re now managing.
I know you probably hate asking for help–most of us do– but try and practice it. Help will make it easier to get both you and your spouse through this.
Basically, what you’ve got is the moment right in front of you. That’s it.
So, you learn to make the most of it. You look to smooth off the rough edges for them (and you). You will have good days and bad, just they do. So, you let go of what doesn’t feel good as soon as you can.
You also roll in the good days and the sweet moments every chance you get. Not only are they precious, but they will also carry you through the bumpy days.
Getting upset doesn’t mean you’re a bad person. It means you’re hurting. It will also stay with you MUCH longer than it does with them.
Give yourself love and grace. Not only does it help you, but it also helps your loved one.
